Liu Xing

BB told me he is going back home for the weekend...
It's going to be a lonely weekend for me here in KL.

BB is getting worried I'm going to be lonely and he isn't happy about it...
I wish BB know that even I'm going to be lonely, I will not do anything he doesn't like!

Trust me BB??

I'll wait for your return!

Safe trip back home BB!

3.35 am

Driving from Bulatan Kampung Pandan susur nak ke Jalan Tun Razak (canggih leh? actually I dunno wan, one tuan traffic police later told me) I stop to let other car pass after me... Suddenly, there is a big crash! Bang!!! I kena hit from behind!! WTF??? TNS!!!

I was like shit! Who the fuck hit me from behind! What's wrong with this fella? It's raining heavily but I have no choice but to go down and take alook at my BB's car... Upon seeing the idiotic car that hit me, I got worried that BB's car is going to be damn jia lat!

Buthen... BB'a car isnt that bad after all! BB's number plate cracked, his bumper cracked.. and that's all! While the car that hits me was severely damaged, BB's car escape with slight injury! Hahha...

BB's driving Iswara while the other car is Wira Aeroback... This simply proves that Iswara rock!

I wasted no time and walk towards the idiotic women who hit me from behind and guess what? She asked me why did I stop my car!!! I was like... Hello bitch, if I don't stop, the other car will hit me from the side!

She continue blaming me and shouting back at me and I get really pissed. Enough is enough... I decided to shout back! Damn it! She hit me from behind and it's my bloody mistake? Where did she get her license? Damn this whore... She must have not been fucked for ages...

I start shouting back at her, telling her to use her frozen aging brain. She must have followed me too close and skid when she break then hit me! She is not suppose to follow me too close... that's first of all and secondly, she should really do something to her wrinkled eyes...

Damn that WGD something something something something...

Now, I gotta go, to make police station to make police report and stufff...
Oh no no... I mean I gotta go make police report. Not make police station. Kekeke.. Wah.. Make police station wor... I so terorr mer...
I swear I'll do something to her car next time I see her around...

IF I see her around lah... If I dont see her then nevermind lor...BUT if I see her, I swear I will.I will, I will!!!!

My heart goes sha la la la la,
Everyday in the morning...

Sunshine, sunshine... Where are you?
I'm still waiting for my sunshine after the rain...

BUT I realise soon that the sun isn't going to shine anytime soon,
because it is still raining heavily...

FRESH

Dad, Mom, Sista and Brother...
We are family!

KILLING ONE.

At 2015 - Feb 22, 2005
BB told me he have got a devastating news for me. As usual, I never take things very seriously... Until he drop the bomb...

While waiting for our Earthquake Ice Cream party at Swenson Cheras Leisure Mall he broke the story, telling me how bad things are. A new that's bad enuff for me... Knock me up from my fantasy world.

She's coming? Something we never expect...
WTF? I should have prepare for this, since the very beginning...
I did not hurt much at the beginning, but as time ticked...

I slowly feel the pain.

Pain I never recognize...

Tears dropped... Slowly, as slow as how the pain creep into me...
I still can't believe what I've just heard, really...
I fail to register the consequences.

Soon, I came into reality how serious the whole situation is... It's really bad.
Fuck... I'm left with nothing again.
I can't start over, I don't have a second chance anymore...
It's now not up to me to decide.

I feel so helpless as it is...

No matter what BB says, the "destination" remain the same.
The process? It's just as pain...
Perhaps pain-er, if such word exist...

I now leave everything to BB. He is the only who can change the processes.

Finger crossed, I HOPE for the best, for both of us...

Home.

I'm stuck at home, can't find enough courage to leave home looking like a piece of shit.
I gotta be home, hiding... Don't know why I feel this way from time to time...

Looking into the mirror feeling like a useless bitch... It feel really bad, but I still manage to over come positive voices inside me... And try to find comfort stayin at home. I must be out of my mind!

I think I'm goin nuts sometimes...
It matters that I look good when I'm out, I wanna people to look at me and think of something nice.
Not something nasty bout my ass or my skin...

Don't think I look good enuff to get much of attention today... Screw emotional.

I gotta hibernate now. Fuck...

for Ivan Wong and meeting BB laterrrrrr... I so the very heng fun!

He was ere...
I wish he is still ere, talking cock wif me...

Missing you, BB...

I smile, suddenly.

First 3 months being with BB, he make sure he shows me his Pussie-In-Boots eyes before I drive off! Now that I seldom send him back, I dont get to see it anymore...

Show me the Pussie, BB!

Yong tou foo with BB while checking out pinkie chicks? Priceless.

I love the time we spend together. We check out chicks, their shoe, their boobies, their hair, their legs; see got kangkang or not and of cause we also check out taxi driver that check me out! Hahah...

BB is such a wonderful BB today! Din screw me hard, though I was pissed with the message BB sent earlier, but he is still as gentle as he is when I reach there. I was trying to tolerate with him lor... I promised that I will control my temper, treat BB really nice. Actually BB isn't asking for much, but just a little bit of fairness towards what he is doing for me. I know it is important for him because sometimes he doesn't feel special. I did not make him feel like he own me. Infact, he feels like he is sharing me with other people... all the time.

BB is always my BB but sometimes he is just trying to be pain-er in the ass. Somehow, I can feel like I'm much so much pain-er compared to him. Maybe because I enjoy pain, so he can never be too much pain in the ass for me!

BB insist I look for a job soon, so that I can have a normal life style. But I don't feel like working yet, because I know that once I work, I will not have much time for BB anymore. As important as BB to me, work still manage to grab most of my attention. I'm a natural workaholic. I get addicted to what I do, like I get addicted to be with BB right now!

I remember, BB says that he live life in KL for me. 80% of his commitment is for me, 5% for MMS, 5 for his bro bro and 10% for who?? I cant remember, but I was really touched by the 80% of commitment for me. Not because of the numbers, but its the amount of commitment BB is giving me. I've got almost 100% attention from BB. I'm definite lam lorr... BB always make me lam.

It's like there is only 2 of us in the whole wide world! We boh cup what other people think, we kiss when ever we want too. We hug each others so often... We misses each others even when we are sleeping together! Well... That's me actually! I can never get enough of BB. Never, ever. I miss him even when he is besides me. The feeling is so intense, as if I wanna get into him. Two become one? Haahh...


I suddenly remember BB sent me a message after we had the biggest quarrel last week, he said...
February 19, 2005 0700

Today I lose someone who love me. Completely ruined her. U did so much for me. I took U for granted. My words were like hot sharp blade slicing U heart n soul. Million sorry could not turn back time. All I can do is to wish U well and may U forget me, the worst U have ever met. When we were together, I kept complain n comment. Sorry. Now that I lose U, all I can think of are the good U have done. Realizing how much I lost. Thank U so very much for all the efforts. U will always be my B.

That I promise U. Farewell.


I'm changing BB, please gimme time. I love you too!After yong tau foo we went to 7-11 buy Twisties then go back BB's place and hang out at mamak. There we chit chat, talk cock, luff luff and BB make sure I get my roti tissue... My favorite thing in the world after my darling BB!

At about 11.30 pm, BB's Bro Bro came mamak tarpau. OMG! He see me 3 times in a row... Every single day since Saturday with BB, we were kinda caught red handed being together, AGAIN. Frankly, I'm scared lor... I mean, I'm sure he knows something is happening! Who doesn't worrr? And this is so not right!

But, we can't do much, I wish I can run and hide my face lor... Somehow, BB assure me that everything is going to be alright. Well, maybe he is right...

I make sure BB send me off home before 12 am so that we do not have to walk out, walking out is so tiring, BB have been working all day... We asked me to get online, I told him my youn Bro might be using the net, but he says, try to get online lar... Can safe money talking online mar! I smile like I'm goin crazy inside, I just cant what I've just heard, we just chat the whole night and here BB is trying to get me to chat with him again... I have to admit, BB is the women men... He wanna me as much as I wanna him, but god knows... I wanna him like mad! I'm sure I wanna him more then anyone in the world wanna him! Hahha... But I still cant help making sure he kena from me, time to time... Why? I wanna sayang him like he sayang me... He sayang me so so much!

He then spot check my belt, make sure I locked my door, make sure my window is high enuff so that there isn't goin to be anyone who will be able to grab me from outside den flag me off!

I drove back home and reach home safe in 10 minutes, den I make sure I get online and chat to BB again! Ohh... We are so.. too much! Just cant get enuff of each others...

I miss you edi BB!

I'm brand new.

I promise BB that we will start new chapter of our relationship today. Never look back.
It's like we wipe everything clean and start painting again.

I wish to paint a great looking wiew for my BB viewing pleasure. He agreed to gimme another shot and I shall take this last opportunity to learn how to draw from sketching till basic straight line drawing.

I cannot be disappointing him because BB said I give him too much shit edi. So much shit he don't wan see me anymore if I still keep giving him the same shits.

BB sayang me very much, so I must not disappoint my BB anymore. Althought sometimes I find it hard to agree with BB but I know BB say things for reasons. I must learn to think before I start arguing for the sake of arguing only. BB say I'm a top lawyer... Die Die also still wan talk until Dieded Dog is back a life. I dunno if I'm so good, but I'm sure I'm seriously pain in the ass.

Just like BB...
BB also serious fucking pain in the ass, he dunno only. Or maybe BB know? I think he know, and he damn proud that he is pain in the ass... But I'm the painest until deep inside colon worr... Pain in the ass until reach colon ar... Must be pain?

BB, I wan you to know that I will try my very best to be the best B in the world. I'm trying to change my bad temper, but since I've been like this for the last 25 years, can you gimme more time to change?

I promise I'm a different person by days...

I Love you, BB. Kiss.

DD ring me at 6 sumthing after I sent him one stupid sms that says "ffk me ah?".

It so late edi and I assumed dinner not on anymore. He is still the same, last minute only wanna call and confirm dinner is on. I dunno why he can't call me earlier to confirm lor. It is that hard to confirm a dinner appointment a day before? I use to argue bout this with him and guess what? Till today, I still have this same fuckin problem with him not being able to confirm dinner appointment earlier.

But nowdays no confirm ma '"bo dinner lor" not like last time must argue big time...
So, I din bother much also...

Somehow DD call back from ofis after trying to figure out what the hell is ffk. Aiyo, how come he dunno what is ffk wan? I tot ffk is universal language edi? Perhaps it's more of the languages for the 70's and 80's lah... DD was produced back in the 60's, so he cannot understand modern language.

He said confirm dinner, I was like... Sianz... So late edi. I don't like people stir up all my plan lor... I promised BB that I will be hanging out with him after his dinner with Pam's daddy. Luckly BB's mood ok. He happy happy nia...

BB's having "nice" dinner at Unique seafood wor... Eating good food with uncle uncle, HK chick (Pam) and PJ chick (din get wat's her name). I feel so alone not having BB besides me. Sigh...

I can't remember when was the last time BB went out with someone else for dinner when he is in KL. He is always with me. Now that he isn't I miss him so much lor...

DD finally came and pick me up, I din see him for months, but he still looked the same. Somehow it feels so different going into his car... Feeling weird. Maybe because I know he is goin to get married soon. That's why it feels weird having to sit in his car... But why?

What's wrong with sitting in DD car's whos getting married soon?
Hahaha... It's hard to explain.

I suggested that we go to Blue Dgragon, a restaurant that I went with him last time. The mean reason why I suggested this place is because it is one of the most proper restaurant in Cheras. We all know Cheras sucks, so it's a bit hard to get proper restaurant to hang out and talk about good and of cause bad old times.

Anyway, DD (Andy) is cool about it. We reach that place without much hassle, except we gotta go round and round looking for parking. Fucking idiot Cheras... They never have enuff parking space. Finally we manage to get a good spot and park his car there. Went up to the restaurant, choose a cubicle and order food. I forgot what he likes to eat, not to mentioned what he does not eat, so...

I stupidly ordered a few things he hate eating. Hahaha... He look at me with amazement, wondered why I order stuff he does not eat... and I was like... Errrr... You don't eat wat? Funnie... It's like, I forget almost everything about him. I used to remember so much, because I wanted to impress him with what I know about him. But ever since we grew apart, I set everything a side.

Finally, we manage to order a few dishes and waited for our drinks to be served. It feels so cold, I feel as if Im talking to a stranger. Not someone I used to love... Cold conversation, cold thoughts and cold gestures...

I wonder why things should end up being this way? Why can't it remained how it used to be?, minus the intimate part, of cause... and I wonder...

DD is getting married early March, I wish him all the best with his new "freedom".
He finally got married at the age of "late thirties"...
To end all the "huh hahs" so to speak...

Andy, I sincerely wish you happiness and alot of joy in your marrige!

DD and I will remain good friend the rest of our life.
The sad part is, at the end of the night, he sent me a sms telling me how annoyed he is with what I did (accidently)...

Sorry, yah! I din act dumb lor, I was insensitive with your feelings...

Thousand apologies.

After 8 days of agonizing waitings, BB's finally back for me...
Not going to leave me for a long long time.

Don't leave me anymore BB...
I need to live my life with you.

I'm sitting down here, nothing much to do.
I wonder and wonder... What I wanna know...
Then I start, click, click, click...

The day I found BB was on May 17, 2004.
I sent BB a messsage that says...

Date : 17 May 2004 12:14:00
Subject : Hie

Message :

All I
can see is how tall you are...
I mean the Testimonials!

How tall are
you, really?

Elsie

and it actually took BB 3 days to reply my message at Friendster, he says...

Date : 20 May 2004 09:39:00
Subject : Height

Message:

Hiya
Elsie

A very good morning to you, thanks for your short massages.

As for my height, i am 1.95M or 6'4"

Mind adding me to your
list?
xcannottellx@hotmail.com

Do you msn? I will be on most of the
time.
xcannottellx@hotmail.com

Looking forward to start a new
friendship with ya, take good care. Seeya soon

xoxo
Dave

... and our friendship just bloosm from there and everything else happened so naturally from there... Can you imagine?

The crazy part is after days speaking to him, I found out that he can bring me to Black Eyed Pea Concert at Hartamas!! I was dying to go but I have butterfly in my stamoch...
I barely know him! So how? Die die lah...

We meet a few hours before concert chat a little, took a few picture and continue chat a little with his girl friend from Penang. Things went great, he turn out to be gentleman... (he offers to hold my handbeg *wink*) and we both went for supper after concert and I sent him back after...

... and the rest is history...