I Want
Tuesday, May 31, 2005BB hughug me. I want hughug NOW.
Liu Xing
Born to Party,
Forced to Work.
So what?
Sunday, May 29, 2005Are you telling me that you did not keep your promise because you gotta go church, lunch and
Promise is promise. You promised to call me everyday in the morning while you are away. That's the least you can do considering the fact that you are not going to be around for long. I did not expect much, I'm only expecting you to keep your promise. After all, you made the promise and I did nothing to force you to make that promise.
Anyway... Doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters. Best I can do now is to screw up your life like you did to mine, while you are away.
Day One
Saturday, May 28, 2005I've promised BB to have breakfast with him before his departure. Voices telling me not to meet him. So much pain to send him home really. However, I miss him so much. Picked up his call and promise him to see him.
BB's subtle voice in the morning complete my day. Pain in my heart cured almost immediately. BB came about 11.55am to pick me up for breakfast. The love of my life... I so want him to stay. Leave me no more... but I know... Not here he belong. He send me back home soon after. Hugged and kisses me to heaven...
My tears fell as he drove off... I miss BB already. Drive safe.
As for me... I slept whole day. I don't wanna be thinking too much. Its 10.45pm now and I'm still feeling a little blue... [10.55pm BB just called] I was delighted for a while... but when he drop the bomb things went bad again.
BB, things arent't ok with me. Nevertheless, I hope things are getting better with you. I'm sure it did. When you first did not pick up my call, I knew whats happening already.
Let's not see each others anymore. I'm going to pick up pieces of my life starting tomorrow and I'm doing it alone.
Thanks for everything. Farewell.
BB's subtle voice in the morning complete my day. Pain in my heart cured almost immediately. BB came about 11.55am to pick me up for breakfast. The love of my life... I so want him to stay. Leave me no more... but I know... Not here he belong. He send me back home soon after. Hugged and kisses me to heaven...
My tears fell as he drove off... I miss BB already. Drive safe.
As for me... I slept whole day. I don't wanna be thinking too much. Its 10.45pm now and I'm still feeling a little blue... [10.55pm BB just called] I was delighted for a while... but when he drop the bomb things went bad again.
BB, things arent't ok with me. Nevertheless, I hope things are getting better with you. I'm sure it did. When you first did not pick up my call, I knew whats happening already.
Let's not see each others anymore. I'm going to pick up pieces of my life starting tomorrow and I'm doing it alone.
Thanks for everything. Farewell.
I am Who I am
I am Who I am,
The day we met.
I am Who I am,
From beginning
till the end.
I am Who I am,
Yesterday
Today
and Tomorrow...
I am Still Who I am,
Now and forever.
Do Not Call Me
I want to be alone.
Sorry.
I lied about wanting to see you.
Have a safe journey back home.
Where is MY LOVE
Thursday, May 26, 2005Eh? Fuck... One year edi!!! One year what you'll ask... It has been a year since I met BB!!! Heh...
We met on the day Black Eyed Pea came to Malaysia one year ago at Kiara! Damn! I got to know him because I wanted to watch the concert so so much but I wasn't prepared to pay for it. Can you imagine how cheapo I'm. Eh... I only like one song ok? Don't think paying so much for a song worth it. When BB 'offered' to bring me in for 'FREE', I see nothing but opportunity to go! Hahah... Damn, I feel el-cheapo edi. I even cancelled a movie date with a friend of mine and oh yeah... he brought ticket ok? So cham... Kesian that dude who kena end up watchin Shrek2 alone. I pity him. Damn, I'm really bad. However, I did not regret 'betraying' my friend! Heh... The concert was errr... Sianz. It was a boring one because they din sing MY SONG, Where is the LOVE at the begining. They only did it at the end, the last one somore! So practically I was forced to sit throught the concert which was about 2 hours with 'not yet BB'...
It was kinda embarassing. It's the first time we met each others, haha.. worst then blind date weii... We had ice-creams, well, he thinks that the concert is kinda boring too. It is oke! Shesshh... Guess he was waiting for the same song too!
When they finally sing MY SONG, it was kinda NICE! Haha... Really nice!! I even dance along ok! Heh... FUN! Anyway, after the concert, I sent his friend, Jane to SS2 and we adjurned for supper opposite my TYC office then, it was so fucking awesome, good dinner, good company and the rest is present! Yeahhhh! I found my 'Love' already!
Bitches or Beaches
Thursday, May 19, 2005I've been missing bitches... Ya know those bitches that bitches about everything in life? Even the janitor can piss her off kind? Bitches bitches... Where the hell are you??!! Can you bitches come back into my life and start put in a little bit colour into it? As is it... I'm living in red. I need a balance man... I can be living in red forever! Come here yellowvy, pinky, greeny, bluey, purply and every mother fucking color lah... WTF is all this? Sigh... I dunno what I wanna!!!
However, what I truly miss is the colour of beaches...
The green sea, white sand and colourful hapiness of everyone...
As it is, I can imagine walking along the seaside with sea breaze blowing softly into my face...
Haih... I miss beaches so much I can sit infront of it just to listen to the sea talking to me...
Blowing away my worries...
Beaches now please come to me!
No Sleep
Tuesday, May 17, 2005Haih... I can't sleep!!
Can someone tell me how to sleep or not? I can't seem to be able to get a shut eye!!! Helpp..
OMFG!!! It's goin to be 6.30 am soon.
I really better go try to sleep. Maybe I can apply minyak kapak in my eyes or something. Fuck...
BB I missie you lor... Can we go holiday soon? I wanna go far far away with you wor...
Kissie BB. See ya after lunch! Have a great day ahead!
Your Coming or not?
Monday, May 16, 2005 Last week, I was told that JB has decided, die die wanna work in KL so that she can be with someone she been waiting for close to 10 years. Now you might think JB must be some stupid chick eh? You know what? I think so too! I mean, who in their right mind would wait for a man for 10 years withhout knowing if he is going to marry her? Well... Maybe DC gave her enough security to make her wait so long...
But what short of security a women get from a guy which in return, will make them wait so long?? LOVE that is! When I first met DC, he told me that the factor that keep them so strong together despite the fact that he is always away from JB, is LOVE. Infact, they love each others so much, it's beyond LOVE. They are inseperatable. Which also means no matter what happeend, they are fated to be together. Maybe they will even die together eh?
Now, if you think this is lovely... Think again. They have been apart from each others for years. JB is staying atleast 400km away from DC and they only get to see each others once a month. However they keep constant comuunications via MSN Messager, phone calls, sms-es etc. Fine with that. But the question remain mystery... Why don't DC go back and settle down with JB? It've been so long... JB's constant 'drama' is definately disturbing! There is so much tears, she is definately heart broken... Aawww... That women.
Why? Why don't DC wanna go back to JB despite all his love for her all this years and yada yada yada? DC told me the reason being is bcoz JB control his life too much. With JB life is sooooo boring. She sleep at 11pm. Wake up early to work, work, dinner, sleep... sex? What is sex? Then she continue the same old boring circle. Giving blow job might not exist in her directory. Sex is just a quick fuck in the pussy. Sad. Life is to obey the rules set by the society, community and do what everybody is doing. Yet another sad part of living...
So, living my life to the fullest kinda thing is out. It's more like, live my life the way you want me too and DC won't go anything beyond that to fight for his only life. Why? Because DC love JB so much he do anything it takes to make her happy? But fuck!! Why don't DC just go back and settle down with JB? What is DC trying to do actually? Haih...
You know what? I fuck care!!!???
But what short of security a women get from a guy which in return, will make them wait so long?? LOVE that is! When I first met DC, he told me that the factor that keep them so strong together despite the fact that he is always away from JB, is LOVE. Infact, they love each others so much, it's beyond LOVE. They are inseperatable. Which also means no matter what happeend, they are fated to be together. Maybe they will even die together eh?
Now, if you think this is lovely... Think again. They have been apart from each others for years. JB is staying atleast 400km away from DC and they only get to see each others once a month. However they keep constant comuunications via MSN Messager, phone calls, sms-es etc. Fine with that. But the question remain mystery... Why don't DC go back and settle down with JB? It've been so long... JB's constant 'drama' is definately disturbing! There is so much tears, she is definately heart broken... Aawww... That women.
Why? Why don't DC wanna go back to JB despite all his love for her all this years and yada yada yada? DC told me the reason being is bcoz JB control his life too much. With JB life is sooooo boring. She sleep at 11pm. Wake up early to work, work, dinner, sleep... sex? What is sex? Then she continue the same old boring circle. Giving blow job might not exist in her directory. Sex is just a quick fuck in the pussy. Sad. Life is to obey the rules set by the society, community and do what everybody is doing. Yet another sad part of living...
So, living my life to the fullest kinda thing is out. It's more like, live my life the way you want me too and DC won't go anything beyond that to fight for his only life. Why? Because DC love JB so much he do anything it takes to make her happy? But fuck!! Why don't DC just go back and settle down with JB? What is DC trying to do actually? Haih...
You know what? I fuck care!!!???
Waiting
Saturday, May 14, 2005I've hoping that BB can get online since I started blogging since 10.30pm. He can't and I know why. It doesn't matter. I can blame no one but myself for expecting him around here when he can't be. Miracle is what I was hoping for... Wonder if he is huggin? Sheeshh... I feel bloody lousy. Wish Tri is here... He can cheer me up at this point of time. He just can!
Whatever it is, I'm just so freaking happy BB doesn't have car. Kekeke...
Stay home BB. Good luck. I still missie you. Wahahaha...
Can Read?
No one else is reading my blog other then Abesamis, BB, BB and BB… In addition to the fact that Abesamis went back to his home town Manila, now only BB reads occasionally. He doesn't stalk my blog vigorously. Why eh? Maybe there isn't anything interesting to read here...
I need new marketing plan for my blog to whore traffic ehh? Sheeshh... I'm lazy.
Shrinking Balls
Friday, May 13, 2005Oh no... Shit. I hate weekend. Hate it when I don't know what to do on weekend.
BB's in town but he is not available. Apparently JB's in town too. Sheeshh...
I don't know what she wants, but she is definitely scary. She sounds scary enough to turn me off. Argghh... I never liked her and never will. Don't know how to live with someone like that... but BB can. So let him be… As scary as the way BB described her, BB found his way to deal with her. Good for BB, or rather… DC?
It's Friday and I'm home alone by option. There are invitations to everywhere except places I wanna be... But where do I wanna go? I feel like dancing and drinking, get all high and think bout nothing at all. Everyone else is doing the opposite and i fucking hate that. They just wanna sit down and chill and talk cock then go back home, fuck and sleep. What these people don't know is not everyone likes that kind of shit... I hate it. I love dancing and no one knows I have not been dancing the way I like for months and this is not doing any good for me emotionally.
Kevin's Souled Out. Tri's Penang. Jason T's working while Jason C's chilling at home. So that's what everyone's doing and of cause BB's JB. FUCK I'm starting to HATE this more and more.
Sheeshhh... Pick BB from Saujana Subang at 6.15pm and we went to Kampung Kayu Ara to look at is car. Remember the bang? Finally, BB has got all the stupid paper work sorted out and the car is ready tomorrow. It looked nice. BB's drive got a new rear... Cool. It looked brand new again. It feels great having BB close besides me, I found peace and my anger subside.
We decided to go to One Utama for a quick dinner at Laksa Shack Cafe. We were very surprise to find that the restaurant turn out to be almost empty. It's normally pack! Maybe it's only 7 odd in the evening...? Unsuspicious, BB ordered his favourite Laksa Johor and I ordered my all time favourite Tom Yam Laksa and we settled with Ais Kacang instead of other drinks. It took a very long time... almost 15 minutes before the food is served and guess what? When they finally serve our food, it's cold! It's so frustrating!! I later found out that the kitchen served our food much earlier but there isn't any waiter serves it to us!! That's so sick! We ate while chat further when I also realise that the portion of our food dropped tremendously! It used to be so filling for both of us to finish our bowl of laksa!! This is getting bad... It cost us RM 7.90 for each bowl of laksa and another RM 4.90 for ais kacang. In the end, it actually cost us RM 24.00 for two bowls of down sized laksa that did not satisfy at all. BB and I both agree no more Laksa Shack! We banned Laksa Shack! We learn our lesion quick! We no sorhais.
It took us barely 10 minutes to finish our meal due to the reduced portion, remember? We later rush off… I was trying to buy a little more time to be with BB hence, I suggested we take the longer route to go back to our car. BB was trying to walk as fast as possible though… He wasn't really happy with my idea. I feel him. Guess JB's calls getting real irritating and BB's balls shrinking by seconds... I can feel the tense grew and I hate it. I can feel my BB is slowly turned into JB’s DC and DC is no man! Anyway, DC, fuck me real hard if you wanna too.
Do I look like I care??? *Show my boh cup look* Hmmphhh...
The drive back to KL is fun! However it got occasionally spoilt by BB’s phone calls from whom else if not JB. We end the night with kisses and hope to see each other soon.
The drive back to KL is fun! However it got occasionally spoilt by BB’s phone calls from whom else if not JB. We end the night with kisses and hope to see each other soon.
I miss U BB, miserably. Aiyoh... Why I so like that?
Din BLOW
No candles, I din blow,
No wishes, I din make,
Why?
I don't have cake lar woiii!
Sheesshh... Wakakkakahahhaa...
Oke lah, this year I din blow candle k?
But that doesn't mean I din blow anything else k? ;)
Wahhkahkakaaha... No I'm not under alcohol influence or anything.
I'm alright. I want BB NOW.
山田 歩
Hi everyone, I'm Yamada Ayumi.
So WTF? Why suddenly only eh? For those who know me long enough, they'll go... Oh no... She's changing her name again. What now eh? Why? What's wrong with her?
Sheesh... No I'm not changing my name or anything, but I was kinda free so while I was humping around, I found this site. Nothing wrong exploring eh? It's 2 something and what else can I do worr? I can't sleep...
Anyway, what does this mean? Yamada (mountain field) 歩 Ayumi (walk, deeper meaning: walk your own way).
Pfffttt... On a beautiful mountain field, I walk my own way... Sheesshh... Sounds good eh? I don't mind walking with someone. Walking alone doesn't sound fun enough for me really. I might aswell sleep?
ZzzzZzzz... No. I can't sleep remember? Doink.
Time to Remember
Wednesday, May 11, 2005You know when you go to McDonalds nowdays, you get to choose all kinds of Happy Meals! Happy Meals meant to make you ga-ga when you are sad. They make you eat and supposingly laugh at the same time, while playing with their cute lil toy. It may be surprising, but often when I see Happy Meals lying on the tray my mood go up high! The happy box looks so HAPPY itself! It's really cool!
Now why I'm celebrating my birthday being all ALONE this year, having no money for McDonalds Happy Meals, I decided to cook myself something I like to eat. It doesn't make me go crazily happy or anything but I did feel blessed. Atleast, I have someting to eat on my Birthday! :)
I feel sadly hungry, self pity and completely shame of how I feel currently. Why is this happening to me? I mean, what in te world is wrong with me? I', 25 years old and I'm eating Tom Yam instant noodles on my Birthday??!! but then again... what's the big deal?? What's wrong with instand noddles? They are decent kind of food, can?
A little flash back on what I had for my previous birthday. Let's begin with my 21 birthday celebration! Well, it was an amazing one! My 'then' new boyfriend from Penang - DES decided to 'close shop' [he's running his own business] for 2 days and come down to KL to celebrate it with me. We went for amazing dinners, there is gifts and most impotantly, he was with me on my precious birthday! My recent ex [then] BRA brought me a bouquet of Cilla Lilly, my favorite!!! We spend another wonderful night having dinner followed by many bottles of wines with a bunch of close friends at No Black Tie. It was another amazing nites, alot of laughter and it was one of my best birthday celebrations!
On my 22nd birthday celebrations, I had it with a bunch of colleagues from my previous company TYC Malaysia. We went to Rare Earth at Damansara, another great night out with my friends, they brought me a set of lingerie which DJ Richard decided to present to me on stange... We had a few bottles of Chivas and it was abselutely a great night out. I was then boyfriendless, so there isn't much that I got. But on the actual day 'someone' presented me with 100 stalks of roses!!! It was so beautiful and not to mentioned, unforgettable! :)
Another drunken night on my 23rd birthday celebration at the Beach Club followed by home party for close friends and relatives. I prepared BBQ dinner for 50 people. It was like a tiring day of endless cooking and preparations. I was soooo tired end of the day! But everyone day a great time together! :) This particular year, I was with DD and he got me a nice diamond necklas for me. It's prettyyy! Hehehe... My colleagues got a CUBE night stand for me from IKEA which I'm still using till today and other relatives member got a few pieces of jewellery item for me. Everybody had fun. Alot of alcohol going around, but we can't do much at home!!! So there is alot of jokes and teasing going and around... :) It's really nice when we have people we love around us really... Another year of celebrations!!
Hhmmm... and last year, was a total tune down celebrations due to my sudden mood change... I broke up with DD a few months before my birthday and it's still too much pain for me to be celebrating. Hence my colleagues prepared a birthday dinner for me at TGI Friday at Life Center and the present of the night is... DD! They didn't know what happened between us, hence they invited him to be the special guest without informing me in advance. I get a few bouquet of flower, including my favorite Lily and roses... :)
Now, this year... Frankly, at this point of time, other then sms-es, emails and phone calls... Don't think I'll be doing much. I was home last night on the 'eve' tonight, I can choose to have a blast or perhaps a quiet night at home, alone. My parents went back to hometown yesterday, I do not have colleagues around me, I'm jobless remember? Hehe... I do not have a boyfriend either. Friends... They are around, but I decided not to have any kind of celebrations with them.
I don't know what to say... Let things be natural... We shall see. :) Atleast I had something!
Man or not?
Finally, a day I've been waiting for. My bloody big day. I've live for quarter a century.
Hhhmmm... Heh, I learn so much today. Yesdaterday, the day before yesterday and so on...
Infact, I learn everyday!
Yesterday I got to know a guy who doesn't feel like a men when he's with his gal. It's horrible to know such thing. Doesn't feel like a man? Then? He feels like a women? Fucking Sissy? No offend people, but a man who doesn't feel like a man turn me off. So why would someone want to be with a women who doesn't make him feel like a man for the rest of his life?
Perhaps because the women is pretty? To die for? RICH??!! Fantastic women? Damn good in bed? Princess? Whore? Slut?
I don't know. I keep asking myself. Why?
I couldnt imagine being with a man who doesn't make me feel like a women. I'm a women, I need to be love, I need TLC, I want my men to be with me, I want a MAN for god sake...
The last thing I want is to be with another WOMEN. WOMEN no fun to be with. They are sucha bitch. Well, I'm a bitch. I'm attention seeker, I make a fuss of every single damn thing. But hey... That's normal for a women and that is why one women is enough. One women, and that would be me.
What the hell? I never make my man feel like a women. Man need to feel like a man. Why? because they are man... They have their ego to deal with. It's natural. Man makes decisions. They have a say and we shall respect them for their ability.
No thanks to man who feels like a women. Give me my MAN!!!
Nothing
Tuesday, May 10, 2005It's an opportunity.
I see it.
No one is going to be around.
I can do ANYTHING I wanted too.
No one is stopping me.
No one can.
Because no one knows.
Except you...
But what can you do?
Nothing, YOU can do abselutely nothing.
My Birthday
It's over with someone.
No one's home starting tomorrow.
Im goin to be alone on my birthday.
Life can be better.
Streamyx's Dead!
Sunday, May 01, 2005My ADSL modem was struck by lightning.
You guys wont be seeing me for days. Ciao!