Liu Xing

10.58pm, while I was washing up preparing to watch my favourite CSI show, my dad’s cell suddenly rings, I did not bother, and then it rings again while I was on my way up to my room. Abruptly after that, house phone rings… I sensed something bad is happening already. I ran to the phone and picked it up immediately, expecting the worst.

What’s so bad that I’m expecting? It’s my grandma, she’s sick. She was diagnosed with cancer 3 months ago and we are expecting for the worst.

The caller is my uncle and things aren’t good. Grandma is unconscious, he said. Not good. Frankly, I don’t know how to feel. I tried feeling sad but I wasn’t. I’m definitely not feeling happy. Looking around, I tried to see how my parents are feeling towards the news. They aren’t showing much about their feelings either. I know they are prepared for the worst. I heard a lot of conversation about their plans for my grandma in case the worst is happening. In fact, they are looking for her best looking pictures meant for use after her death.

Inside me, I hope for the best for my grandma. Accessing my feeling, I’m not willing to accept the fact that she is going to leave us soon. I’m still pretending as if nothing extraordinary is happening. I stay away from frequent family gatherings over the weekends to trade for a normal life. I do not want to live preparing for her death while everyone else is… I stayed away.

Today, we lost her for a while. My mom said ‘Perhaps she went for a walk’. I know what she meant. Mom has been telling me how people would react before they die. They show signs, a lot of signs. My aunt’s eyes been twitching for the past few days, it’s not a good sign either. Grandma describes dad as ‘Chee Kong’s [my uncle] brothers’. She did not address Dad by name anymore. However, there was a sigh of relieved knowing the fact that she is still able to recognize us.

My sister, Annie who has been reluctant to visit grandma all this while finally went today. Grandma has hard time recalling who Annie is, she was confused but she remembered her name anyway. She just can’t recall how she looked like anymore due to my sister weight gain.

Grandma lost a lot of weight since she’s sick. She used to be the fattest one amongst her siblings. Now, there’s just a lot of flabby skin hanging on her set of bones. It’s a sad sight.

If I’m granted with just 1 wish, I would want god to take away sickness and pain from us human beings. Let not we die of sickness and pain. It’s not a way to die.

God bless her please. Free her from the pain she is suffering already. Let her eat in her final days; let her have the best of everything you created for us. Thank you.

BB, please include her in you daily prayer. I owe you this, BB. Kiss.

For those of you who happened to read this, please, may I ask you to say a little prayer for my grandma? Thank you.